Re-Cap of the Best Lines of 2009

Monday, March 16, 2009

Gary and I are cultural junkies ... TV, movies, music, books, magazines, billboards, T-shirt slogans are basically our meth.

Which is why moving to the country and trying to live for a time w/o such "nonsense," as my parents call it (all of which is documented in my upcoming memoir AT LEAST IN THE CITY SOMEONE WOULD HEAR ME SCREAM) was so damn difficult.

But we're back ... like Britney ... and, herewith (is that even a word?), are my picks for best lines of the first quarter of 2009 (think of this as your cultural economic quarterly report):

"Fill my love tank!"

GABBY, DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES (after angry stylist nearly slices off her bangs)
"That's why you don't get your hair cut in a mall!"

TOM BERGERON, DANCING WITH THE STARS (to jilted bachelorette Melissa)
"So, is The Bachelor really like high school, just with better lighting?"

"Does she make your penis get off the couch? I mean, even I can't do that for you."

APRON GARY OWNS (with arrow pointing to his crotch)
"I've got your low-carb diet right here!"

"You think I look like her?" (referring to Angelina resemblance)

MY FATHER (to me, about Gary, after a few drinks)
"You've got a good wife there, son!"

GARY (screaming at woman who pissed him off at coffeeshop)
"You wanna play crazy? You wanna play crazy? I got a deck full of crazy!"

ME (to party-goers, after falling down wet hillside in slides while trying to spy on said party being held in condo near us)
"Could I borrow a cup of sugar?"

More to come ... and I welcome your suggestions!