Wade Rouse on Perez Hilton!

Friday, September 28, 2007

OK, so I'm not officially on PerezHilton.com, but I'm damn close. An ad for my memoir, Confessions of A Prep School Mommy Handler, is on the Queen of All Media's blog. (And it's soon to be on gawker.com, Manhattan's big gossip site.) Yesterday, my cool Confessions book cover was next to a pic of the shirtless torso of Justin Timberlake, and, most recently, it was poised directly across from a close-up photo of Hillary Duff's breasts. To be honest, my memoir is way perkier than the Duffster's boobies. But I don't think anything can top J-T's torso. (Except perhaps mine.) And I would definitely show some nip to get my photo on perezhilton.com

An ad on Perez is a big, ol step-up from some of my recent Funyons-for-dinner D-List gigs. I've been on tour all month, and while most stops have been awesome, a couple have been worse than anything Kathy Griffin ever dreamed ... such as the time I was handed a mic and told to start reading excerpts in the middle of a bookstore. It was mucho bizarro, kind of Margaret Cho meets J-Lo on tour. Just as I was starting to attract of crowd of listeners and buyers, some jackass emo kid in tight pants screams, "Do you know 'Feelings'?" And everybody starts to laugh. I did that embarrassed, humiliated giggle, like you do when you trip in a mall, but I keep going like a trooper. When I'm done, I ask if anyone has questions, and emo yells, "Yeah. What's the fastest land animal?" And so I semi-lose it, and say: "Nice girl's jeans. And Jane Fonda would like her Klute hair-do back." The kid doesn't really get it, but the crowd's older, and they do, and he runs off to the Gender Issues aisle.

Every book sold means I'm closer and closer to lecturing in places where bored teens with too much time and too much caffeine can't harrass me. So buy my book, so I can look back and say, "Those were the days."

Or not.

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